Are you over 21?
Are YOU tired of awkward cards? Sick of chocolates that say, “I tried”? Still recovering from last year’s panic-bought gas station rose that died?
THEN YOU NEED… THE VALENTINE-MAKER-3000™
The only fill-in-the-blank Valentine scientifically engineered to do the talking FOR YOU. Brought to you by the makers of Dope Rope and Highmark Greeting Cards. A 200MG Limited-Edition Premium Gummy Rope cleverly disguised as a greeting card. Just FILL IT IN Then HAND IT OVER And BOOM 💥 Instant VALENTINE success.
Compatible with: • Your partner (romantic hero moment) • Your best friend (ride-or-die energy) • Your mom (she raised you; she deserves joy) • That ex who still texts “hey” at 11:47pm (no further questions) • Your grandpa (don’t explain the dosage, just hug him)
AND THE BEST PART? It comes LOADED with 200MG of premium gummy rope designed to: • Lower standards (just a little) • Increase charm (a lot) • Turn “this is weird” into “this is amazing”
VALENTINE-MAKER-3000™ One card. One rope. Unlimited outcomes. Act now, because love waits for no one… …and neither does this drop. 💘🍬
